I had no idea how hard the last few weeks of pregnancy could be. My last pregnancy my son arrived at 38 weeks, saving me from the last 2-4 weeks of waiting for my little one. This time was so different.
I was so done with being pregnant. I know that in the long run those last few days will not feel so important, but at the time I was really struggling to get through them.
I was done with waiting for labour to start and exhausted from thinking each day could be the day.
I was finished overanalyzing every twinge and cramp, getting my hopes up it was signs of labour.
I was done checking the toilet paper every pee with the intensity of a detective looking for clues.
I was over with feeling so helpless and tired of waiting.
I was just done.
It’s More Than Being Physically “Done”
When my clients and friends told me that they were “done” with being pregnant, it was my understanding that they meant “physically” done. I imagined they were done with the headaches, backaches, discomfort and small bladders. But after having gone through it myself, I could truly empathize with them and see that being “done” meant so much more than just the physical discomfort.
The last few days of pregnancy are a place of in between, a place of waiting. Having made it to the end, you are so ready to meet your little one face to face, but you have no control over when that will happen. You cannot push your body into labour before it is ready. For me, that place of waiting felt like torture.
In the last three days of my pregnancy my sentiments ranged from angry, sad, happy, anxious and everywhere in between. I cried, laughed, yelled and cried some more. My emotions were all over the place and changed by the minute. I was uncomfortable with the anticipation and at times just not sure what to do with myself.
Trying to Let Go Of Control was So Hard
Maybe getting to the place of being “done” is a necessary part of the process? Perhaps getting through that period of in-between is needed before entering the world of motherhood for some? It is possible the baby is trying to teach their mothers a lesson in patience and trust. True or not, it was hard nonetheless.
I wasn’t at all comfortable in this place of waiting, and would have loved more than anything to be in control of when the baby arrived. But at that point, there was really only one thing left for me to do, and that was to surrender. I needed to let go to the fact that everything would unfold just as nature intended it. I just really wasn’t sure how.
I started by trying to embrace the tears and fears as well as the worry and discomfort. As I waited for my little one to make his arrival, hoping it would be sooner rather than later, I finally (reluctantly) surrendered and the journey into motherhood began just as Miller planned it.