For many couples the discussion of “When are we going to have a baby?” is a important subject to cover. For some, this conversation may take place early in the relationship, but for others it could be years before it is addressed.
No matter when this conversation happens, the health and longevity of the relationship depends on both partners mutually agreeing on a decision.
For some couples it’s an easy choice agreeing on a “start date,” whether it be now, two years from now, or for some never. Both partners have to be on the same page and completely comfortable with their decision. But for some it may not be that easy.
One partner may be ready now while the other wants to finish school or a big work project before they start trying. One partner may be certain while the other could be slightly on the fence.(PS This one was me.)
My Husband Was Ready WAY Before I Was
My husband was ready for kids basically from the day we met. I always assumed that I would have kids some day, but it was definitely on the back burner. The second we got married, people started asking when we were going to have a baby. All of a sudden this very personal question was at the forefront of several conversations with SO many people.
This inundation prompted Max and I to begin the discussion when we would be ready to take that next step. We started talking more about our plans and goals and when we thought it would be the right time. Just as expected, Max was ready any time, and it was up to me.
The Guilt and Pressure of Not Being Ready
I felt tremendous guilt by the fact that I wasn’t ready when Max was. It wasn’t as easy for me to make such a life altering decision. I had some worries and doubts:
- Would I be a good mom?
- Was I ready to put my own personal wants aside?
- How would I deal with the pain of labour?
- Was having a baby what I want?
- What if I regret having kids?
These were 100% things that came to mind when I was trying to decide if I was ready to have a baby. On top of these concerns, there was the added pressure of knowing that Max was ready and basically just waiting for me. I was abundantly aware that as soon as I made my decision and decided to start trying, I could basically be expecting.
Deciding To Start “Not-Not Trying”
We ended up setting the date for when we would start “not-not trying”. The date we chose was 8 months away, which seemed lots of time for me to mentally prepare myself. Except in the of blink of an eye it was suddenly time, and I still didn’t know if I was ready. Ultimately I decided that maybe I would never be truly “ready” and it was time to jump in.
Truth be told after we starting “not-not trying” there were a couple months when I was relieved to see my period. Despite making the decision I was still super nervous. It wasn’t until I actually peed on a stick, and it came back negative that I realized I was disappointed.
There were a couple months when I was relieved to see my period
I realized that despite my worry I had actually been hoping it was positive. It turns out that I had simply taken the test too soon, because I was actually pregnant.
My final words before taking the second pregnancy test (after my period still had not arrived) were “I hope I am pregnant.” Helping me realize that after all of my worry and doubt, I felt excited to have a baby.
It may have taken me A LOT longer (likes years) to get on the same page as my husband, I wouldn’t change it one bit. My kids are truly the light of my life, and it was the best decision I ever made. Even though it took me a while to figure that part out.
Join in on the conversation
Did you feel that you were ready to get pregnant? Was it a surprise? Are you still trying to decide if having kids is right for you? As always we would love to hear about your experiences, feel free to comment below or over on Facebook or Instagram.